fernweh

the simplest way to put it is that i see us

dancing in my mind

in the seeping noir of night

i picture us dancing in a circle

spinning

around so fast that we can't possibly place

who moved their feet first only

that we're moving in tandem

like a skipping rope on a playground

or a vinyl record hitting the needle

at the precise point to make it sing

which means of course

that there is music in our dancing

as much as there is music in shared playlists

and oh this song reminds me of us

and will you dance with me at my wedding

and please can we sync our calendars

and timezones

and hold each other in our hearts forever

and ever and ever and until we're all

gone from this world i won't ever stop

loving you like it's all i know how to do

and i think about how i'll love you forever and

i think about how i'll love you forever and i

think about how i'll love you forever

and i hope that you'll love me forever too

because what is forever if not a long

drawn out maths equation of a pentagon

having five sides and only five sides

and no more and no less and nothing

will ever be as perfect as the five of us

and i want to say i love you enough that

i can never forget how i love you enough

to destroy everything that hurts me

and you have to promise that you'll dance

at my wedding and you have to promise

you have to promise please

you have to promise me

that you'll dance at my wedding.

October 2022